This week I did a course on core values with Sandi Herrera as part of my continuing professional development. It gave me opportunity to reflect on my light source, what are my core values and why? As I mused over the topic of light source in my meditation I had a vision in my mind of a triangle, with a white glowing light at the apex. The sides of the triangle were illuminated by the glory of the white light. Inside the triangle was pure white. The base of the triangle got me thinking about roots and that they need water for nourishment. Like a tree in the shape of a triangle. For centuries history indicates people planted tall trees as they wanted to occupy the high places in the spiritual realm. To get closer to the source of light, wisdom and power. 

Core values define the backbone of who we are and what we create.

Core values define the backbone of who we are and what we create. Like the base of the triangle...our values lay a foundation for stability in life. By raising our consciousness it avoids blaming other people unconsciously for things that block our way. There is a difference between values you agree with, versus your core values. We can be respectful of others and support them in their values. Think about what really bugs you? If it is people that talk down to women then you might really value respect in relationships. Having our values alignment avoids people pleasing or putting up with things we don't value. Live with purpose, clear the clutter, rid yourself of toxic relationships. What is your personal purpose...your why!

Much has been written over the centuries also about the sun, moon and stars. Sources of light. However, if these sources go dim, the moon is blacked out, the sun goes down and the stars fail to give light...what will be your light source? The furnace of affliction has caused me to dig deep on this issue personally. Divorce, loved ones with terminal illnesses, periods of financial difficulty, family and relationship conflicts, heavy case loads, exposure to narcissism, disabilities, fires, floods, and now a pandemic. Everything we go through is a refining fire. Personally, my trials  have caused me to search for wisdom and live humbly by my belief about my everlasting light.

Are you living in a space of values alignment?

Whatever your higher power belief system, a pandemic is a good time to reflect on your light source. For me, I want to be part of the generation that ends human trafficking. What is driving your core values, do you live with intention, purpose, higher consciousness and clarity? Are you living in a space of values alignment? I'd love to hear your musings on values alignment. If you would like to activate your core values in a counselling session I'd love to support you with techniques to do that. Living with intention is a powerful place to be!

Love & light
​Tania
x

#light #lightsource #sunmoonstars #values #corevalues #alignment #consciousness #higherconsciousness #glory #yah #yahweh #higherliving #whitelight #roots #water #nourishment #lifesource #tree #highplaces #heaven #strength #power #love #activation

I've been gone a while now and missed you! I'm feeling very grateful to have two essential jobs...whilst trying to keep my head above the increased need for crisis work which the pandemic has triggered. It's taken all my self-control to manage cabin fever, practice mindfulness, gratefulness and look for the silver lining the last month during the lockdown whilst providing telehealth counselling and casework. Some days I failed miserably! Other days when the sun was out I embraced working from home, took walks by the lake, enjoyed the friendly hellos as people exercised. Somehow the 'how are you's' have been more sincere during lockdown...especially from the single people self-isolated alone. Through it all...I never cease to be inspired and amazed by the resilience of my counselling client's who live with mental health disabilities.

It seems to be the little things that count towards resilience. The morning routine, expressions of faith, splashing the face with water, regular bedtime, food prepping, connecting in with people, and mindfulness to name a few that make all the difference. When chaos sets in...routine can be the first thing to go. However, keeping up the self-discipline of routine when things get tough is a hallmark of good mental health. Easier said than done when you're dependent on carers to provide for your needs and the workforce is impacted by a pandemic. Yet good habits are powerful things and help us navigate periods of change.

One of the only things we can control, when rapid changes are happening in the world around us, is our thoughts. We can choose to focus on the positives or the negatives. I think of my fruitless trips to buy toilet paper and coming out of the shop empty handed five times and feeling disheartened. So I chose to focus on my access to running water, a shower, and a roof over my head when so many don't even have those basic needs met around the world. That's what mindfulness is. It involves noticing the thoughts that come to us...inhale...and noticing when those negative thoughts leave our mind...exhale. It's OK to think of both the negative and the positive. It's even more powerful to notice when the negativity leaves our mind. I find it very exciting actually...when I notice a really positive thought come to my mind...it fills me with indescribable joy. You can't put a monetary value on joy!

After practicing mindfulness as a new habit for 21 days...your brain grows neurons  and new neural pathways in the brain are formed. Making it easier each day to experience joy! Pretty exciting stuff hey! This works really well with trauma triggers too. Like when a flashback comes, breathe deeply four times, notice the thought leaving. Phew! You're then back in control, breathing steadily and enjoying the physiological calm that the simple deep breathing exercises produce. Try four deep breaths and notice your heart rate fall. This is great for calming anxiety too.

Whether you believe COVID19 is a 'Plandemic' involving biological warfare or an unfortunate virus that escaped from China...I try to look for evidence. Being a person who likes to see facts and statistics (probably due to my training in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to look for automatic thoughts V rational thoughts)...I found that Australian's only a 0.9% chance of contracting the virus and the recovery rate is 88%. The other encouraging things are that Australia has one of the lowest rates for the virus in the world, a high supply of respirators, and free public health system. 

Coming from a large family of health professionals my heart goes out to all the frontline workers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your service and sacrifice! It's a good time to keep health workers and our leaders in our prayers too...as the daily grind of showing up and leading is a test of their resilience too.  For us personally, the things we can control are our thoughts, building our resilience, have a good morning routine, practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, and picking up the phone to connect with others. It's a privilege in my counselling practice to hear how people are navigating this new world order well. Each day holds a new celebration as  they implement new habits to increase their wellbeing and resilience. I'd love to talk with you more about resilience and mindfulness techniques and how they can transform your life. 

Light and love
​Tania x

#resilience #habits #mindfulness #neuroscience #mental health #CBT #wellbeing #psychotherapy #counselling

I love being a woman! Embracing my femininity is the hallmark of my individuality, and my access to education, capacity to run a business, care for those of my choosing, and exercise my equal rights is wonderful! Since the beginning of time, society has had expectations about women. Women expected to cook, clean, serve men, bear and raise children, and to nurture the family. Super women! Over time, some women have rejected the stereotypical roles and responsibilities and sought equality, negotiation of roles and responsibilities according to strengths. Modern women have stood up for their right to access equal pay, hold high profile leadership positions, the right to safety, and to have a voice in a male dominated world.  To all those women who have lobbied for our human and equal rights, we salute you and thank you!

You may have heard it is International Women's Day on Sunday, 8 March 2020. The slogan spells clearly ​''An equal world is an enabled world!'' Within every gender, race, and ability we strive for equality, for a voice, access, and recognition for our clients as human service workers. However, throughout history women have been considered vulnerable. Is this due to patriarchal attitudes held by institutions, governments, communities, the fact that many women may be smaller in size and stature, and bear children? At the end of the day, the culture of male privilege runs deep.  Women fought successfully for the right to vote, for maternity leave, for positions traditionally only awarded to men such as CEO. Society still seems to expect women to juggle children, housekeeping, career and relationships whilst access to affordable childcare wanes. Yet women have survived and thrived for centuries by supporting and understanding each other. We have come a long way as a Western society to support women's rights. 

However, we still have work to do to uphold women's safety. Sadly, pregnant women are the highest target for men who use violence, coercion or control. The effects of domestic violence during pregnancy include complications in labour, premature delivery, a higher incidence of neonatal death, underweight babies and miscarriage (Alio et al 2009; Shah and Shah 2010).  

It got worse after I was pregnant: he became much more physical, and it was as if being pregnant didn’t make any difference to him. (Lisa).​

Whilst they are at their most vulnerable ''with child", some men choose to use power and control over pregnant women. To the majority of decent men who show women love and respect with words and actions - we respect you. 

On the income front, women are still paid 12-17.5 per cent less than men in the same roles. Despite the gender pay gap narrowing it has remained stable over the last fifteen years (Graf, N., Brown, A., & Patten, E. (2018). The narrowing, but persistent, gender gap in pay. Pew Research Center, April, 9.) A curious notion when we consider that women can vote, achieve an equal education and do role reversal of stereo-typical roles and responsibilities in the home these days. In my experience of working 20 years in domestic violence, the over-representation of male perpetrated domestic violence is one barrier to women's career success. Being put down, ridiculed, financially and sexually abused does not aid performing at your best level at work.

So it is essential that women have women's rights! They have been fought for over the last 100 years. A benefit of the current neo-liberal policy is funding for small business owners, where women can work on their own terms. Yet, inconsistencies in gender equity glare in our faces. Like the fact that 92% of primary care for children living with a disability is still done by women. Australian women also account for 70% of carers for parents.  Why the disparity?

I'll be celebrating International Women's Day at a series of university lectures on the Central Coast at University of Newcastle on Sunday. My interest in women's business has remained keen for the last 20 years. I enjoy supporting women, counselling survivors of domestic violence and women who have come out of adverse childhood experiences. How will you uphold women's rights this International Women's Day and in the year ahead? Shine a light in the dark places, lend a hand to an oppressed woman, stand up for her, call the police if there is domestic violence, teach boys not to bully girls. ''An equal world is an enabled world!'' Let's keep flying the flag for women to access and experience the benefits of their human and equal rights.

“The thing that was most helpful in my healing journey was ...” This was the question I asked a group of women this week. You see, they are the courageous survivors of modern slavery. Their answers are profound ...

'Being able to “talk” about it all, once I escaped. My family heard it all over and over ... it had all been suppressed for 10 years ... threats that if I told anyone, I would be dead ... I would never see my kids again ... you will cop it ... etc etc!'

'I did a course on healing from co-dependency which was suggested by my counsellor.  Did some deep soul diving to dig out the painful past. I had a good friend who had been through similar and she nursed me through the very black days. My faith didn’t help at that time because I felt like God had abandoned me too and after all my abuser, works for ‘the church’ I was very angry at God for being so cruel and I didn’t trust Jesus because He was supposed to ‘have my back’. What sort of friend let’s this stuff happen to you. Narcissistic abusers are very good at looking like innocent lambs. The covert, altruistic ones are the best at it. I couldn’t talk to family much because of [the above] points. To them he was the best thing since sliced bread... probably still is.' 

'Going to anonymous meetings was incredibly helpful in my healing journey too. As well as finally learning and understanding how to see narcissists and sociopaths and see their techniques and therefore avoid.'

'Forgiveness.'

'Forgiveness. Yes very powerful. I forgave more for my own healing, but just because you forgive it doesn't mean you have to take them back or accept their toxic behaviour.'

'Exactly ... [forgive] but never ever go back!!!'

'EMDR therapy helped me heal from the PSTD'.

'Spending two months at The Bridge To Recovery in the US to heal trauma and codependency, my adult self could start to shine as I healed triggers and found I could say “no”. A simple word I couldn’t say to other people out loud. I didn’t even know I couldn’t say the word “no” especially to angry people. And I was 37!'

'The thing that was most helpful in my healing was my Faith but also finding a counsellor that specialised in abuse. I also did a living beyond abuse course and boundary course. I was also able to change states so it was similar to my own witness protection program. I was also very blessed in that I had so much love and support from my new church. You have to be careful who you trust but I was so blessed I had strangers help me when I had nothing.'

The messy purple art [above] represents the chaos of domestic violence to me. And the bird on the wire under the moon represents the peace of freedom after leaving, yet social isolation - the devastating impact of the psychological abuse.

​With the gruesome murder/suicide  of Hannah Clarke and her three children this week by her alleged high profile NRL player husband ... it's time to reflect on the Australian epidemic of domestic and family violence. Living at risk of homicide must end! The article below, on #domesticviolence, is a well researched snapshot of the epidemic of gendered violence in Australia. It is a pertinent 4 min read. Brisbane car fire killings of Hannah Clarke and her three children leave Australia reeling amid calls for action on family violence  ​

Be the voice and join the conversation among other female survivors.

If you are in a relationship and concerned about symptoms of anxiety, depression, panic ... with a gut feel things aren't right ... trust your gut! You are not alone and deserve to live in peace and freedom. If you are a man and find your relationships are going south because of your use of violence, coercion or control - help is available. If you find you're not motivated for behaviour change ... your kids deserve it.

Love & light
Tania

Support:

Whole Warrior Solutions, Virtual & face to face counselling 
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 https://kidshelpline.com.au/
National Domestic Violence Line 1800 RESPECT, 1800 737 732 for women & support people, live chat online www.1800respect.org.au/
Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service for women
https://www.dvrcv.org.au/support-services/national-services 
National Australian Men's Referral Service  1300 766 491
live chat online https://www.ntv.org.au/get-help/live-chat
Suicide callback service 1300 659 467, 24/7
Headspace on 1800 650 890 for teens & youth

Read more:/

No to Violence & Men's Behaviour Change Network for workers, students & advocates for change

#endmensviolence #humanrights #narcissism #consequencesforcrimes #recovery #saynotoviolence #notoviolence #genderedviolence #genderdiscourse #orangetheworld #domesticviolenceawareness #endvictimblaming 

There's something about water! Stillness, warmth, flow, rush, calm, power, and strength come to mind when I think about water.  Women posses similar attributes. In working with women the last 20 years I have had the privilege of coming alongside. Building community where there is isolation. Empowering strength when there is weakness. Celebrating new life and crying for children lost. Seeking justice when the scales were upturned. Gathering fragments of what was left and preparing for new consciousness. Trusting in the invisible...inspiring faith.

Women are warriors! Girls, lovers, mothers, grandmothers and leaders. Bring your consciousness towards empowering women, be there for the women in your life. There's something profound throughout the ages about women supporting women! Women and the womb is a powerful notion of the divine. Beloved, do not imitate what is harmful. Instead cherish, love, respect and value the divine in your life!

It's for this reason I volunteer to build safe community for women. Join one of the fastest growing groups on Facebook for domestic and family violence awareness, recovery, support and prevention at Warrior Women Australia!
​
International Women's Day is on 8 March 2020! How will you show your love and support for women? One way to start is by liking this blog and commenting in support of women. For me, I am giving two women a special package. Buy four counselling sessions and receive the first free. Email me at tania.gorry@wholewarriorsolutions.com to book*! 

Love & light
Tania x
​
* offer expires on International Women's Day 8/3/2020 at 8 pm

The rain revived my herb garden and the mint has crept it's way throughout. As I harvested the overgrown mint, I was reminded of an older man I used to be related to by marriage. He was born in Casablanca, Morocco and taught me the art of making Moroccan sweet peppermint tea. Now there's a lot of tradition that goes with sharing mint tea in Moroccan culture. It's polite to drink at least three cups to show appreciation for their hospitality. You see, it's because getting the flavour and sweetness just right takes a lot of time and practice.

The aroma of the mint tea brewing on the stove top filled my house with the soothing oils. After letting it steep and cool a while ... I sat in my chair watching the birds bathing in the birdbath after the rains. Inhaling the aroma, I sipped slowly and could feel it calming my body and mind after a busy week. Yet thoughts of disclosures from times gone past filled my head. Thoughts of tragic child sexual abuse victims. The righteous indignation burned in my heart. I stood up, and  please be my witness, today I called for justice to hammer down in the heavenlies!

Having that petition done, I sat down to slowly finish sipping my peppermint tea. Each mouthful cleansing my broken heart, providing a sense of calm ... stillness. To complete my relaxation I put on a meditation by my friends at eKa. I was again at peace with a strengthened resolve. You see, my life's work is for the protection of the vulnerable ... women, children, poor, disabled and elderly. 

Have you experienced an injustice towards a vulnerable child or person? Call for judgement and see what happens! Social work research has proven that enacting religious (or spiritual because I detest religiosity) rituals at a time of crisis has great healing power after a critical incident. Let me know if you try it and I'd love to know how it goes. Like and comment below if this article resonated with you!

Love and light
​Tania

The big issue for Support Coordinators in the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) is that there's just not enough hours allocated for support coordination in participant's plans!

Coordinators of Support or COS end up doing a lot of work for free. That mean's unbillable hours.  Not a very profitable business model when you have vulnerable client's with complex comorbidities.

Instead of working for free, what if your client engaged in transformative counselling? Where freedom was found, and barriers were broken?  Your client builds capacity for daily living, engages with providers and your billable hours increase.  Isn't that a win win for all concerned!

NDIS Support Coordinators can refer participants for counselling here