The Disability Royal Commission Report was released yesterday on 29 September 2023. It investigated incidences of abuse, neglect and deaths of people who live/d with disabilities. The report makes 222 recommendations how to reduce such atrocities. Women who live with disabilities were found to incur a higher incidence of abuse. 

If you are a person with a disability, NDIS provider, nurse, aged care provider or carer - come and join us on Tuesday, 3 October 2023, at our online Interagency Meeting as we discuss the Disability Royal Commission Report's findings and recommendations. This is an excellent opportunity to unpack how we can each make a difference towards increasing safety, welfare and wellbeing for vulnerable children and adults. If you're on our mailing list, please check your emails, as the meeting ticket link was sent out late on Friday afternoon. Alternatively, you can reserve your spot by clicking the link below. We look forward to seeing you there!

This abuse in care topic is close to my heart having worked in child protection 13 years and spent my career of over 20 years as an advocate for women and children's rights. Let's have an important conversation on Tuesday 3/10/23 about increasing protective factors for people living with disabilities who are vulnerable to abuse and neglect. We are often their arms, legs and voice!

Book now at https://www.wholewarriorsolutions.com.au/events.html

Best regards
Tania

Mary appeared almost unrecognisable as she walked down the hospital corridor shuffling her bare feet. She held out her arms. We embraced. She held on and sobbed, and sobbed. Our arms stayed locked until she was ready to release. Mary appeared an empty shell of the lively woman I used to support. Now Mary appeared broken, dishevelled, with matted hair, and wearing someone else's clothing. Mary stared at me with a vacant yet desperate gaze. It was like the life had been sapped from her. Devastated from years of abuse, forcibly separated from her children, deprived of all freedoms in a locked hospital ward. Mary had been scheduled under Section 22 of the Mental Health Act as she had been a risk to herself and her children allegedly.

Listening to Mary recall her ordeal made tears well up in my eyes. Mary described the process of being forcibly detained with six men physically restraining her during the scheduling and jabbing her with a needle - likened to the trauma of a sexual assault. There were no words to console. Sometimes it is the deep understanding of just sitting with the grief, together. We sat and cried. The fact Mary felt safe to share her dark night of the soul with me spurred me on to advocate for her with the hospital social worker and mental health nurse. I attended discharge planning meetings with Mary and committed to supporting her with followup tasks to help her rebuild her life. Mary had no family and really needed support to re-enter society.

Whilst Mary stayed in hospital she received a number of labels or diagnoses about her mental health. Forced to attend groups with people living with significant mental health and forensic histories, including schizophrenia, bipolar, borderline personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorders and other's with complex comorbidities and behaviours. Mary described feeling scared living with people not of her choosing, some who were very unwell, gave her death stares, and others who followed her around the corridors. Mary said she stayed in her room to increase safety. Yet was expected to engage in group therapy and activities with people not of her choosing.

​After a month and much advocacy on my part, Mary was discharged and ready to start a new life. A new chapter, new beginning. Over the next year that I walked alongside Mary, I held space for her. Helped her find a new home, linked her with support workers, cleaner, a gardener, and visited her weekly. The home visits eventually tapered down to fortnightly then monthly. Over time Mary's energy and self-care practices returned, had enough energy and money to meet up in the community, going for walks, meeting for coffee, doing activities together, text messages and phone calls.

During this recovery coaching journey Mary integrated trauma, engaged in holistic somatic practices, equine therapy, talk therapy, sound healing, mindfulness and meditation practices in line with her faith. Mary overhauled her concept of good nutrition, exercise, hydration and more. As her wellness and confidence increased I helped her get a part-time job with animals that she loved. I had the grand privilege of witnessing Mary's transformation to wellness!

“The thing that was most helpful in my healing journey was ...” This was the question I asked a group of women this week. You see, they are the courageous survivors of modern slavery. Their answers are profound ...

'Being able to “talk” about it all, once I escaped. My family heard it all over and over ... it had all been suppressed for 10 years ... threats that if I told anyone, I would be dead ... I would never see my kids again ... you will cop it ... etc etc!'

'I did a course on healing from co-dependency which was suggested by my counsellor.  Did some deep soul diving to dig out the painful past. I had a good friend who had been through similar and she nursed me through the very black days. My faith didn’t help at that time because I felt like God had abandoned me too and after all my abuser, works for ‘the church’ I was very angry at God for being so cruel and I didn’t trust Jesus because He was supposed to ‘have my back’. What sort of friend let’s this stuff happen to you. Narcissistic abusers are very good at looking like innocent lambs. The covert, altruistic ones are the best at it. I couldn’t talk to family much because of [the above] points. To them he was the best thing since sliced bread... probably still is.' 

'Going to anonymous meetings was incredibly helpful in my healing journey too. As well as finally learning and understanding how to see narcissists and sociopaths and see their techniques and therefore avoid.'

'Forgiveness.'

'Forgiveness. Yes very powerful. I forgave more for my own healing, but just because you forgive it doesn't mean you have to take them back or accept their toxic behaviour.'

'Exactly ... [forgive] but never ever go back!!!'

'EMDR therapy helped me heal from the PSTD'.

'Spending two months at The Bridge To Recovery in the US to heal trauma and codependency, my adult self could start to shine as I healed triggers and found I could say “no”. A simple word I couldn’t say to other people out loud. I didn’t even know I couldn’t say the word “no” especially to angry people. And I was 37!'

'The thing that was most helpful in my healing was my Faith but also finding a counsellor that specialised in abuse. I also did a living beyond abuse course and boundary course. I was also able to change states so it was similar to my own witness protection program. I was also very blessed in that I had so much love and support from my new church. You have to be careful who you trust but I was so blessed I had strangers help me when I had nothing.'

The messy purple art [above] represents the chaos of domestic violence to me. And the bird on the wire under the moon represents the peace of freedom after leaving, yet social isolation - the devastating impact of the psychological abuse.

​With the gruesome murder/suicide  of Hannah Clarke and her three children this week by her alleged high profile NRL player husband ... it's time to reflect on the Australian epidemic of domestic and family violence. Living at risk of homicide must end! The article below, on #domesticviolence, is a well researched snapshot of the epidemic of gendered violence in Australia. It is a pertinent 4 min read. Brisbane car fire killings of Hannah Clarke and her three children leave Australia reeling amid calls for action on family violence  ​

Be the voice and join the conversation among other female survivors.

If you are in a relationship and concerned about symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, depression, panic ... with a gut feel things aren't right ... trust your gut! You are not alone and deserve to live in peace and freedom. If you are a man and find your relationships are going south because of your use of violence, coercion or control - help is available. If you find you're not motivated for behaviour change ... your kids deserve it.

Love & light
Tania

Support:

Whole Warrior Solutions, Virtual & face to face counselling 
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 https://kidshelpline.com.au/
National Domestic Violence Line 1800 RESPECT, 1800 737 732 for women & support people, live chat online www.1800respect.org.au/
Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service for women
https://www.dvrcv.org.au/support-services/national-services 
National Australian Men's Referral Service  1300 766 491
live chat online https://www.ntv.org.au/get-help/live-chat
Suicide callback service 1300 659 467, 24/7
Headspace on 1800 650 890 for teens & youth

Read more:/

No to Violence & Men's Behaviour Change Network for workers, students & advocates for change

#endmensviolence #humanrights #narcissism #consequencesforcrimes #recovery #saynotoviolence #notoviolence #genderedviolence #genderdiscourse #orangetheworld #domesticviolenceawareness #endvictimblaming